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英文播客 |EP. 59 女孩，我保证你已经被看见了，你是被理解的，你是存在的。
关于想要「被看见」见的执念，从前我以为只要通过努力获得了关注，观众和掌声就能够证实自己的存在。但是在获得了一些所谓世俗意义上的成功，并且积累了一定的关注度后内心却仍然干瘪。那充盈之感究竟要从何而来呢？
世界有这么大，这么多人，一个人就是一种抱负。外部的信息层层叠叠地堆积，新的潮流一波未平一波又起，普通人的声量一枚枚地被淹没于海陆交替的历史节点。人类是否正在陷入有史以来最大的悲怆和孤独中？大家都希望自己的声音可以被听见、被某个人在意、被一些人认可、与世界产生一些链接，这也是我一开始把自己放到网上的原因。我以为主要我的视频有很多播放量，有很多点赞，我就可以认真对待我自己了，因为我被看见了。但是如今关注者越来越多，收获过来自大家和平台的很多关注之后越发现，原来我只是获得了一些曝光，而曝光不会完全转化为我想要的“被看见”的感觉。
原来“被看见”是一个感觉，不是一个事实。你每天出门，门口的保安，地铁的人群，办公室的同事，饭店的服务员都会看见这样一个女孩穿梭在世界中，但这样的关注不会让你觉得自己被看见，因为你没有被真正地理解。
这个感觉就像是你很想要很多朋友来证实自己的存在，因此你一股脑把自己放到人群中，试图融入各种社群后发现，你变得前所未有的孤独，因为这些人与你根本不是一类人。这种“被看见”感觉甚至认识了十余年的发小都没法给你，即便你们总说各自是最了解对方的人。然而某天，你偶尔在公园里和一个陌生人侃起来，你说起自己的苦闷和愤懑，对方长输一口气，煞有介事地回了一句“我懂”，顿时他的四两仿佛拨了你的千斤，好像所有散漫的不甘都在那一刻汇聚，被轻飘飘地消解了。
所以到底是什么呢？某一个瞬间？某一个人？还是你自己给予自己的尊重和对待。
最近和朋友聊天，我们两个其实各自都有一番成就，但是总是陷入自怨自艾的可悲情绪里。一番探讨后我们一致认为，为了获得内心的宁静和“被看见”的感觉，最主要的一味精神成分是self compassion，对自己的同情和宽容。原来始终觉得自己没被看见，没被认真对待过，一直被抛弃着，是因为自己没有认真看待自己！或许当我们从自己开始直视自己，给予自己尊重和宽容之后，我们才会将自己引导到同样的人，甚至是正确的机会面前。
女孩们，我发誓，你有能力让自己被看见，并且你的能力已经在现实中被证实了，只是你可能自己还没看见。现实和认知的合并或许需要花一些时间，但是在差距的缝隙中，还是要坚定地相信自己，你已经被看见了。你或许总是觉得自己能力不大，天赋不高，没有一个人对抗世界的决心和耐力，改变不了太多，你只是一个东亚女，种族和性别都受到不同系统的压迫和歧视，常常在面对宏大的宇宙与臃肿迂腐的系统时感到无力，但是荒谬的是，这个世界上唯一能给你平静、爱与尊重的人也只有你自己。
EN · machine About the obsession with wanting to be "seen", I used to think that as long as I got attention, audience, and applause through hard work, I could prove my existence. But after achieving some so-called success and gaining a certain amount of attention, I still felt empty inside. Where does the feeling of fulfillment come from? The world is so big, with so many people, and one person is just an ideal. The external information is layered, and new trends emerge one after another, while the voice of ordinary people is drowned out in the historical nodes of the changing world. Are humans sinking into the greatest sorrow and loneliness in history? Everyone hopes their voice can be heard, cared about by someone, recognized by some people, and connected to the world, which is why I put myself online in the first place. I thought that if my videos had many views and likes, I could take myself seriously because I was seen. However, as the number of followers increases, and after receiving a lot of attention from everyone and the platform, I realize that I only got some exposure, and exposure does not completely translate to the feeling of being "seen". It turns out that "being seen" is a feeling, not a fact. You go out every day, and the security guard at the door, the crowd in the subway, your colleagues in the office, and the waiter in the restaurant will all see a girl moving around in the world, but this kind of attention won't make you feel seen because you are not truly understood. This feeling is like you wanting many friends to prove your existence, so you put yourself in the crowd, trying to blend into various groups, only to find that you become more lonely than ever because these people are not the same kind as you. Even your old friends, whom you've known for over a decade, can't give you this feeling of being "seen", even though you both say you understand each other the most. Nevertheless, one day, you casually chat with a stranger in the park, and you talk about your troubles and frustrations. The other person listens, takes a deep breath, and says "I understand" in a serious tone, and suddenly their few words are like a weight lifted off your shoulders, as if all your discontent and frustration are resolved in that moment. So, what is it? Is it a moment, a person, or the respect and treatment you give yourself? Recently, I chatted with a friend, and we both have our own achievements, but we always fall into a pathetic mood of self-pity. After some discussion, we both agree that to obtain inner peace and the feeling of being "seen", the most important spiritual element is self-compassion, being compassionate and tolerant towards oneself. It turns out that I always felt like I wasn't seen, wasn't taken seriously, and was abandoned because I didn't take myself seriously. Perhaps when we start to look at ourselves seriously, give ourselves respect and tolerance, we will guide ourselves to the same kind of people, or even the right opportunities. Girls, I swear, you have the ability to make yourself seen, and your ability has already been proven in reality, it's just that you may not have seen it yet. The combination of reality and cognition may take some time, but in the gap, you must still believe in yourself, you are seen. You may always feel that your ability is not great, your talent is not high, you don't have the courage and endurance to fight against the world, you can't change much, you're just an East Asian girl, with your race and gender being oppressed and discriminated against by different systems, often feeling powerless when facing the vast universe and the bloated and corrupt system. However, the absurd thing is that the only person who can give you peace, love, and respect in this world is yourself.
You can check the transcript of this episode on XiaoyuzhouFM: https://oia.xiaoyuzhoufm.com/player/6ace6698e742e36efcc288ce?openTranscript=true&utm_source=rss&as=cHQ9MTIyNjE5MjQ3JmN0PXJzcyZtdD04&autoOpen=false